Today has been good. I would venture to say, great. It’s my son’s first day of 8th grade (Yippie!) I worked out for a recorded breaking 90 minutes! I actually enjoyed every bit of it, finally overcoming the suffer-the-workout mentality that usually plagues me. I ate a healthy lunch see:
Then … BAM! just as I’m trynna get my snooze on before work this guy shows up:
Yep, Envy/Jealousy shook me up out of my light doze with social networking notifications which were just too tempting to resist a peek. No sooner than I’d gotten a gander I began to wish I hadn’t. By the time I finished scrolling through my eyes began to well up. I saw pics of my would be classmates at Tisch Asia enjoying their new adventure in Singapore and beginning their school year. I saw pics of people’s “honors children” and felt inadequate because I felt I had failed at parenting because I don’t have an “honors” kid.
I could go through and list all the wonderful things about my life, and their are a great many, but I think what matters most in this moment is that I’m comparing my existence with someone else’s to my detriment. This is a pattern with me which often leads to self destructive thoughts, or worse, self destructive behavior. SO, before that train leaves the station. I’ll do this: Pet and love on the green eyed monsta (sort of like those annoying e-pets from the 90s). I’ll do this by pulling my head out of my ass and sending love and positive energy to others. Ready? Here we go!
To the NYU Tisch Asia 2012 students
You are a group of incredibly talented individuals whose work I greatly look forward to seeing in the years to come. Please enjoy this time in your life. Savor it like a good meal. Create boldly and fearlessly. You are there to tell a story that no one else but you can tell. Instead of envying you, I’ll be hopeful that our paths will cross next year.
To the child that I honor
Zion no thing or no one has enhanced my life more than you. While I will always ask that you strive for the best, I also understand that you are NOT your grades. Middle and high school can be such awkward times. I promise to stay out of your way as much as possible and let you grow. Instead of envying other parents for having honors students, I will wish that every parent has a child as loving, funny, creatively gifted, and charming as the one I have. I love you.
To my e-friends
It is very difficult for a self-centered, co-dependent, recovering low-self esteemer like me to be in the newsfeed of social networking sites. Everyone is a rock star on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram … or at least it seems that way. Know that first and foremost we are living breathing humans with lives offline that are sometimes wonderfully complex, sometimes sad, and sometimes nothing short of miraculous. I admire you ALL so much, and while I may not speak to all of you each and every day, I do suppress my inferiority complex long enough to peak in every now and then to see if you’re okay. Sometimes things are great: marriages, babies, new careers. Sometimes things aren’t so great: death, illnesses, break-ups. Without our permission life is happening. Let’s let it. (I for one would like to “let it” more offline than on … I’ll work on that) Either way, Instead of envying you, I’ll wish you the best, fullest life you can possibly obtain!
There. I think the monsta is full, and it is about time for me to head off to the best job I’ve ever had (and I’m actually not being sarcastic!) Life is good just where I am. Yep. It is.
…and a little musical for dessert for you Mr. Monsta!