I’m delayed in posting this as my New Year began with me a little under the weather in body and spirit, but I’m back (for the most part) and ready to take on 2013. Here goes … A wise man, and quite a few yoga instructors hipped me to the concept of setting an intention. Setting an intention in yoga practice has more to do with giving me a “focus” for my practice. That goal may be something that I’d like to see fulfilled in my life … say … “happiness” … “financial stability” … or “getting laid”. Ok, so I never really set getting laid as the intention of a yoga practice, but BOY have I been tempted.
Anyway … In life intention, at least for me, is similar but magnified to the level of day-to-day living. I set a tangible goal(s) and practice my life in that direction. The trick is, the goal is not the goal, make sense? No? Maybe? Well here’s an example from my life:
Last year applying to and attending grad school was on my “Goals for 2012” list. If you’ve been following me at all over the year you know that I meant business about that shit. I threw all my energy into applying, getting denied, continuing to apply, continuing to get denied until I was ultimately accepted (to a school I technically didn’t even apply to I might add) and ultimately ending up at the school I wanted to attend in the first place.
The gift of that experience, while it was quite unexpected and TOTALLY awesome, was not getting what I wanted but all the hard earned insight and personal growth. The real rewards were:
- Understanding that I need to pay my damn bills because bad credit isn’t going to simply go away.
- Growing a thicker skin when it comes to my writing/understanding that I’m not the best, but certainly not the worse writer there ever was.
- Patience is a virtue … and will mature the hell out of you if you let it.
… and really a whole host of other things if I sat and thought about it.
With all this in mind, I sat down and created my goals/intention list for next year. It was a very forgiving process as there was definitely room for things I did not accomplish last year. It was a joyous process as there were quite a few new things that were added to replaced things I did accomplish in 2012. There is balance, and that is always the goal for me, miss it though I may.
I’ll end with a prayer of confirmation. Yes, I said prayer. Heathens pray too.
I first want to give gratitude to whatever universal forces, ancestors, or beings that guided and protected me into a new year of life. The other night at work while I rushed through unfocused, eager to get off and go about my evening, a patient said something that stopped me in my tracks.
“I count my blessings before I pray for my wants.”
I am abundantly blessed in my life. I am relatively healthy, as are my son, and family. I have an amazing network of friends that love me unconditionally as I do them. I am gainfully employed at a job that I genuinely enjoy. I’m a thriving theatre artist about to embark on an amazing opportunity of a life time at NYU. Now the real miracle: Despite any circumstances that came down the pipes I did not use drugs or alcohol as a means of getting me through the problem. I celebrated 3 years clean in 2012!
There are so many other things I could have listed, but this post needs to end at some point (and besides … G.O.D. knows my heart right? 😉 ) Now, my “wants”. In 2013 I want to be: A better mother, a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better lover (of self), a better love (of others). I want to create healing in the day-to-day practice of my life through art, healthier relationships, and open honest communication.
I want to continue to be able to grow through recovery, face my fears, hell maybe even embrace them. I want to continue keeping the faith when it feels like nothing is going right. I want to continue keeping the faith when everything is going right (because for me these are the hardest times to be faithful.) Most of all, if it is in a higher will, I’d like to be here this time next year writing about how I got through it. If not, I will like my life to be a testimony on how it is quite possible for a poor girl from the mean streets of Elizabeth, NJ to get over.
All this I pray in Sweet black baby Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, The Ancestors, and whoever else will listen’s name …
Happiest and most prosperous New Year to you and your folk!
Rosie.*in recovery we sometimes call GOD, Good Orderly Direction. ever stir my soul quite like Mahalia